We often think of humor as associated with the Adapting-Dealing orientation. In a sense it is and in another it isn’t. As with most behaviors, it is how the behavior is used in connection with the underlying intention that defines its "style".
Everyone who emphasizes an AD orientation does not necessarily use humor, even though it may be, related to "AD" behavior. Those who rely on other orientations also use humor, but for different purposes. For the "AD", the concern is to keep relationships harmonious. Humor is simply one of many possible techniques to reduce tension and maintain good relationships. All "ADs" may not use humor for this purpose.
Those familiar with George Carlin, can readily find examples of humor from an SG point of view. For example, in looking at redundancies, or commenting on differences between sports and what they represent, it is the contrast between what is done and what ought to be that represents the humor. For the SG, things that are funny are often those that show such discrepancies – or shows folks making errors, not living up to promises, evidences of guilt – things in line with S/G concerns and values.
E.G. On Actors: (From The 776 Nastiest Things Ever Said. Oetras, R. & K., New York, Harper Bros. 1995. (p. 3)
Gene Wilder (playing a mild mannered accountant in The Producers)
Have you lost your mind? How can you "kill the actors"?…Actors
are not animals. They’re human beings
Zero Mostel:"They are? Have you ever eaten with one?"
What amuses heavy users of Controlling-Taking are things like failures to accomplish, time disregard situations – issues of failure to be decisive, to take charge, impulsivity, aimlessness or risk-taking. E.g., Two caterpillars are sitting on a limb watching a butterfly go by. One says to the other, "Man you’ll never get me up in one of them things"Op. Cit., (p. 3)
"He had delusions of adequacy" Walter Kerr, critic on an anonymous actor
Or another, from: Jewish Humor. Telushkin, J. New York, Morrow, 1995 (pp. 119-120)
"In the year 2000, "Brezhnev pledged in a speech to a large crowd "every Soviet family will have its own airplane."
"But Comrad Brezhnev", a voice calls out, "why does every family need its own plane?"
Fool!" Brezhnev yells at the man. "Suppose you live in Moscow and you hear that in Kiev they have potatoes."
Jokes are often aggressive in intent, shorter in time with a quick punch-line. They often ridicule other "styles" – the "CH" being a frequent target, as in the following joke...
An elegantly dressed man starts up the steps of the Los Angeles Philharmonic Auditorium. At the front door a security guard stops him:
"Did you purchase a ticket to attend this performance?
"No, I did not,: the man says.
"I’m sorry," the guard says, "but you can’t enter the auditorium then."
The man is desperate. "I have a very important message to give to a Mr. William Jones who is sitting in the third row. It’s a matter of the greatest importance, an emergency. You must let me in to speak with him"
"Okay, okay" the guard finally says, "I’ll let you in. but don’t let me catch you listening to the music!"
In the Los Angeles Times, October 21:
"The herb industry wants to impose standardization on supplements. "Hopes are dim for it to work because they still can’t agree on whether or not to pronounce the H" (Gary Easley)
For the "CH" humor expresses itself often in stories about foibles – the failure to adhere to procedures, obey laws, the disorganized and messy, the illogical.
E.g.: the story of a man arrested for killing his parents, who threw himself at the mercy of the court because he was an orphan.
Jokes are often more detailed and elaborate. Another aspect relates to distinctions and subtleties – the detection of differences, paying attention to details.
My friend Ken Finn tells me of the time he was raking leaves when someone came by and asked him what he was doing. "Raking leaves, he said." "All the leaves?" queried the stranger.
There is a wry quality often apparent, as evident in one little story in Carl Sandburg’s book, The People Yes:
A salesman driving on a country road sees a farmer sitting on a fence and desiring to be friendly, says:
"How do you do my farmer friend?"
"Howdy", he replied.
"Nice place around here", the salesman says.
"For them that likes it," the farmer says.
Trying again, the salesman queries, "Lived here all your life?"
The farmer looks at him and says, "Not yet!"
Or getting back at another style (LA Times, October 21):
A North Carolina man says he’s invented a "UFO detector that he’s selling for $15. "The device also doubles as an imbecile detector. If you buy one you’re an imbecile! (Lawson).
Since the goal is to keep relationships smooth and to ease tensions, jokes are seldom geared to making someone ridiculous – more often used as a means of sharing some fun – to even be playful.
Take the delicate issue of race relationships. Carl Sandburg’s previously mentioned book can again be used as reference:
"This", says the white man, taking a stick and drawing a circle, "is what the red man knows". Then, drawing a larger circle around the smaller one, he said "This is what the white man knows" "And this", said the red man, taking the stick from the white man and drawing a very large circle around the other two, "is where the white man and red man know nothing."
Note how delicately the imposition of superiority is dealt with without a negative confrontation but placing such issues in a context so as to be ridiculous.
A story I’m fond of telling is of the time I decided to shop for a new car. I usually try to maintain my best CH behavior to keep distance between me and the salesman. "Hi", said the sales man. "I’m Bill Jones and so glad you stopped off at our Mercedes agency. I’m happy to really provide you with everything you need."
"Really, I said. I’d like to see your new 230 model." We go to the car and the salesman says, "Isn’t it a beauty?" I said nothing. He opened the doors and slammed them shut. "How’s that for solidity?" I said nothing. "Get in and feel the seats – isn’t the leather gorgeous? I said nothing. Suddenly, he started at me and said, "Listen, if you don’t say a word you’re going to be responsible for a salesman having a heart attack!" I laughed, and then went on to buy the car. Humor can be a powerful weapon to defuse a CH defense!
Another AD joke from the LA Times (October 20)
State police in Delaware have charged more than 30 students with trespassing after finding empty beer cans and marijuana under high school football bleachers. "We get very upset when these kids break into places just to party", says a police spokesman, "especially when they don’t invite us." (Lawson)
Then there is humor that’s universal that we all enjoy, regardless of style: sex jokes, money jokes, in-law jokes, famous people jokes, etc.
We should caution licensees in training that when "humor" is cited as an AD behavior that it is not owned by that style. To fully comprehend why that behavior may be more frequently used, it is necessary to examine the goals, concerns and values of the person influenced by that orientation.